Clover Field comes out 1-18-08

The longest week ever

I have noticed since Kris went to Mesa I noticed I have changed somewhat I haven't hanged out with Nikki in a bit and I don't hardly talk on the phone much. This week he is going to San Diego or the week after. I have also found a new show I watch constanty Naruto.

A Kiss Goodbye

Kris is leaving to Mesa sometime later today. He is then going to San Diego after awhile from there. I plan to go visit in October. More on whats going very soon.

The role in my life

i have finally figured out my part in life. It is simple I am surprised I hadn't seen it before. Okay so I am the helper the one who helps others out when they need help. Being the helper I can't fall love because I am always helping people out. So one day I need to find a helper to pass my job onto and then I can finally be with someone.

A drink and the truth

So last night I had some peppermint Schnapps, 2 shirmonoff twisted apple, and a wine cooler. I also told Kris how much him going to California. I think in all that it was a great night and we had fun and alot of conversation which is good. I also told somebody that I liked them but they aren't feeling that way. They like me as a friend which doesn't bother me because when they told me they were honest and to the point. They are going to help me out in the help mark finding a boyfriend department.

The Truth Unravels

He is leaving in like a month or so. I prayed for god to take me instead and I don't belive in god I need Kris in my life maybe I should run away with him. When he leaves a part of me will die maybe the penguin part or the part of loving I can feel it. I hope god doesn't make him go but instead takes me along and kills me instead of Kris

He might leave

So I am talking to kris earlier tonight and he is like o heads up I might be going to california to move and take care of my grandma. I am shocked and don't know what to say. One of my best friends might be leaving me. It isn't like we won't talk again but wow. I just don't want him to go and forget about me

On The Open Road

So I don't know what to do, I have thought about leaving Arizona forver only because there is no one here for me or nothing here. I haven't an idea what to do. I have a feeling there is someone here but that person doesn't like me in that way. I have thought about just ending everything, then I won't have to worry about all this depression crap. Before I leave there is one thing I must do and I will do, make Nikki happy. Once i see she is happy then I will decide if I need to leave or stay.

predicitons for the future

Scary as hell


http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/scientists-offer-frightening-forecast/20070421184009990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001

some quizzes I took

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 3.62

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0

1

2

3

4

5

6

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:


0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more
than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally
heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz

The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality

According to my answers, it is likely that I identify as
Sequential bisexual.

Complete set of results

Sequential bisexual:		4
Homosexual with some heterosexuality:		2
Concurrent bisexual:		1
Homosexual:		1
Past heterosexual, currently homosexual:		1
Asexual:		0
Heterosexual:		0
Heterosexual with some homosexuality:		0
Past homosexual, currently heterosexual:		0

Information

The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was devised by Larry Kurdek, B. Berkey and T. Perelman-Hall. It is an extension of the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, recognising that sexual identities can change over time, people can identify with more than one sexual identity, and that asexuality is a valid sexual identity. The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was published in the "Journal of Homosexuality" in 1990.

Take the quiz

Pride 07

Well pride was awesome for some parts but sucked. I had a great day for the most part but after it started to get darker the day sucked. Not all only were the gay strippers from the club dicks caberet not there but I pretty much told kris how our friendship was over. We were all dancing and having fun and then I see him making out with some random girl who seemed to be drunk and he knows when he does that it pisses me off. Couldn't he have done this somewhere else far from me. Then to make it even better I told him it pisses me off and he is like well I am trying to be happy and I am like well what about me I haven't had a boyfriend in along time and haven't had any fun with anybody in a long time and he didn't seem to care. Although I did see a really hot guy I guess he only liked hot guys from what I heard. So yes as usual my life sucks and I am sick and tired of being single and getting tired of it. I hate how everyone else's love life is going great and how mine sucks. Although I noticed something 3 of my friends who I have helped in various ways are doing somewhat awesome in the love department while mine is suffering maybe I shouldn't help anyone out. Overall pride great but sucked anyways I plan on going next year and trying to have a great year and I won't ask kris to go with me or pay his way in like I did this year.

PRIDE

Today is the early day of Christmas for me, gay pride in Phoenix. I can't wait it is one of the days I look forward to every year. It is like one of the ultimate holidays for me. Today also may start Operation Help Mark fina a boyfriend. I am getting Nikki, Kris, and Lisa to help me find these exclusive boyfriends.

Friday the 13th Part 1 and PRIDE

Wow folks yesterday was Friday the 13th yay. I don't know why I just love it for some reason maybe it is the fear people have with that day. It is rumored that the reason we fear the 13th of Friday is only because some people called the knights of templar were murdered on this day because the church was afraid of thier power. Well I have some big big big news GAY PRIDE in ARIZONA starts today. I can't go today but Sunday I will. Also Kris got fired from work but that is another story for another time. I CAN'T WAIT FOR PRIDE.

October Dreams

So I have been watchign that new show that premiered 3 weeks ago called October Dreams. It's about a guy who returns 10 years to his hometown that he left in order to find his self in life. It reminds me of somethign that I want to do one day. In other news I got 3 out of 8 of the after dark movies to die for. They are supposed to be the new type of horror that theaters don't want to show.

movie update sorta

I will have short recap of what is going on with the movie soon

12 days till pride 08

Anyways besides it being 12 days till pride in 08. I have learned somebody else doesn't like me this one kid named Josh. so I think I might just be single forever. On top of that happening April fools happened but the day was great and I didn't get fooled at all because I am well a genius. I fooled some customers at work into thinking I couldn't sell beer to them because it was election day and they got a laugh

So another kid who I like sorta doesn't like me and he would rather pick my best friend Kris who he doesn't know to sit up front. Once again fucking love sucks, my friend Lisa has a girlfriend, Kris has someone who likes him, nikki one of my best friends is like me also with no one, and so is my friend Robert. I curse all my friends who have love I have given up so much I fuckign work so hard try to do my best at work and even act my best around people and try to look nice. But no I can't get anyone I am meant to be alone. These people who breakup with someone and get someone aka Kris should share the secret it fucking sucks and I m not going to stand by like usual. I am tired of being last and I will do what I did so many years ago. Time to end some relationships.

It's A Heartache by Bonnie Tyler

It's A Heartache Lyrics

Its a heartache, nothing but a heartache
Hits you when its too late, hits you when youre down
Its a fools game, nothing but a fools game
Standing in the cold rain, feeling like a clown

Its a heartache, nothing but a heartache
Love him till your arms break, then hell let you down
It aint right with love to share
When you find he doesnt care for you
It aint wise to need someone as much as I depended on you

Oh, its heartache, nothing but a heartache
Hits you when its too late, hits you when youre down
Its a fools game, nothing but a fools game
Standing in the cold rain, feeling like a clown

It aint right with love to share
When you find he doesnt care for you
It aint wise to need someone as much as I depended on you
Oh, its a heartache, nothing but a heartache
You love him till your arms break, then hell let you down
Its a fools game, nothing but a fools game
Standing in the cold rain, feeling like a clown

-------------------------------------------------------
Famous Last Words Lyrics by My Chemical Romance

My Chemical Romance Famous Last Words Lyrics
Now I know,
That I can't make you stay.
But where's, your heart?
But where's, your heart?
But where's, your,

And I know.
There's nothing I can say.
To change, that part.
To change, that part.
To change.

So many,
Bright lights they cast a shadow,
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding,
I'm incomplete?
A life that's so demanding,
I get so weak.
A love that's so demanding,
I can't speak.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay you'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

Can you see?
My eyes are shining bright,
'Cause I'm out here, on the other side,
Of a jet black hotel mirror,
And I'm so weak.
Is it hard understanding?
I'm incomplete.
A love that's so demanding,
I get weak.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay you'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone


Honey if you stay you'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.


These bright lights have always blinded me.
These bright lights have always blinded me.

I say.

Honey,
I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

'Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

'Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

'Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay you'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay you'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay you'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

Lights, Camera, and Quacktion

Up the street they are filming a movie called Kids In America (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0810922/) It looks pretty cool and see them driving up and down the orad I might try and get pictures and I have seen Topher Grace but not up close. I can't wait to see this movie when it comes out maybe I will see myself.

So it's been a while since I have posted I have been busy like really busy working hard at work doing graveyards and second shift. This wek I only have one graveyard and 5 second shifts. It isn't that bad and gay pride is coming up april 14th and 15th yay