New Years Eve

Happy New Years everyone and may the year be good for you. Anyways the year has been good and bad today sucked. I was all emotinal and getting jealous over my secret lover hanging with this girl, he likes. I think alot of the emotions is because of my dad dying 2 years ago on this date but who knows. I will miss him alot and may he live in my heart forever. Anyways have a happy new years and don't forget I start my resolution tommrow to find a boyfriend.

Somethings In The Air

Besides all the christas magic in the year something feels weird I have no idea what it is, and everyone seems to be confusing me about diffrent things. One example is my friend nikki she wants to go with me and kris and see lisa but she doesn't want to spend the ngiht out there. I told nikki a couple of days ago to call me and tell me if she was going and what does not do she doesn't find out if she can go or not. Here I am on the brink of not knowing if she is going and I don't know if I should wait for her or not. Besides this promblem there has been some other ones as well mayeb in the future I will talk about them. Maybe the new year will bring me the answers I need or want.

Christmas

Merry Christmas Everyone p.s. Mark said I wasn't his type o well now time to work on my resolution and maybe get someone special or the one I want

The Wait Around The World

Everywhere year everyone is waiting for one of the biggest events in the world and that is the arrival of St. Nick or Santa Claus. I always belived in Santa and part of me still belives in that christmas magic that lies out there somewhere. The holiday spirit is here and I am looking forward to the holidays. I invited my best friend Kris over and we are hanging out tonight on Christmas Eve. Then this upcoming week I am going to hang out with my best friend Lisa and her brother Chris. I haven't seen her since around March. I can't wait, well if I don't post tommrow for whoever reads this merry christmas

the question

so one of my friends asked me what I wanted for christmas which is fine and dandy she is like the first one to ask that well first it would have to e my lkover I told her that and she hasn't replied to me back yet. but then I thought what else and remembered my list but then I didn't know what I wanted again so I am going insane

It was 35 degrees this morning how awesome I love the cold air, I know I said it before it really makes it seem like Christmas is in the air and normally we don't get this weather like this, so it is a nice change. Tommrow rools in with group coming around and a christmas party gift exchange. The gift I am getting is like a 10 gift card for pizza hut or blockbuster. Anywho so my wish list has sorta changed
1. my secret lover
2. getting my bike fixed
3. queer as folk season 5 dvd
4. tivo
5. A camcorder to make videos for youtube

Youtube it's something I am getting hooked on they have cool videos and even some awesome music videos anyways, I have even started subcrisbing to videos there yays. Take care might have info about mark if I see him tommrow. I am going to go no matter what unless penguins take over the world then I am hiding

I am okay

so this past weekend sucked as I mentioned in my last post. I didn't see mark this week at group because I didn't go but this upcoming week I will see him if he goes my new years resolution this upcoming year is to get me a boyfriend

downhill

as if tonight hasn't gotten any better I might as well I admit defeat for my secret lover they won't be with me screw it. This whole love thing is driving me insane anymore and I might end up losing it and doing something I might regret. I might just go away for about a month and see if anything has changed for good. I love him and he knows it but he doesn't give a damn. Then this other guy eric who I like picked my lover over me in such a trivial choice. I said I wanted to sit up front in eric's car and I told him to pick me or my lover and he said he wasn't going to pick. For me that is defintly not me and if Eric liked me he would have picked me. I am going to change my christmas wish to getting my secret lover thats all I want I don't care what else happens I just want that one thing to last forever. I have even tried asking my dad who is dead to help me beliving that my dad would even give a damn about me but no nothing happened. I have even asked from a high power to help me but nothing has happened. I know if I don't get my secret lover then I am screwed in the relationship department for ever. I have asked friends and they tell me to get over him but it isn't so easy to just give up on the one person you love. Like I said before this whole thing is making me go insane and I don't know what to do. I don't want to be 50 and single with no one loving me but it looks that way. Sometimes I wake up hoping it was a bad dream and that in reality he was with me but I wake up to a nightmare.

love

love was looking good for my ex secret love to come back to me even though I might have mark I want my secret love back it hurts me not to have him every moment of the day I miss him

2 Marks Are Better Then One

So one kid I think that likes me is this kid named Mark at this gay group I go to. I noticed he seemed to be flirting hanging out with me and laughing at all my jokes even if they were stupid. I don't know how old he is but I am guessing he about 17 even though I am 20 almost 21 i guess it isn't bad especially if his birthday is soon. i might use my easy line to figure out how old he is. It is really easy just ask his horoscope. After group me and Kris usually go for coffee and whatnot hangign out with some friends it rocks. This week I am hanging out with this one kid who is a freind but wants to be more who knows. On a nother side note I have someone I could hook up with but don't know him all that well. So many choices. For Kris on his birthday i got him his first ever samuri sword. Anyways I got to be going just wanted to let everyone know what is going on. If everything goes good on thursday look for more info about Mark.